My Heart Rate Betrayed Me

fighting to fill lungs

deeper and deeper

but it still doesn’t touch the sides

pulsing too fast

it’s making an escape

from the prison of my body


if i talk to myself

on the walk to scotmid

surely that man will think i’m crazy

do you care much

what the street thinks?

do you care what the doorway

whispers to your aching bones

just pull your ribs aside

and let it out

we all need to take a break

from our insanity


the kitten slowed my heart rate

but was it’s biting of my hand


or just another form of self harm?

i can breathe deeply enough

to slow the blood

to slow the voice

to slow the panic


when the cat stops purring

my heart may betray me once again.

This poem is not a cup of tea but I wish it was

This poem is not a cup of tea but I wish it was

How many did I just want something from?

just, let yourself do stupid things

breathe and relax

radio and a cuppa is bliss

a tape player collecting dust

I used to draw pictures from above, of rivers usually

Good poetry is timeless but out relationship has expired

I fell into another

irrational fear

There’s beauty in the loneliness of man

life is one big whole chemical reaction

Craving food my tongue disagrees with

her edges blurring with the bedsheets

do you have a type?

Cracks in the paper

like a child I can’t cope without pain.

Demanding is unfair.

immediate regret.

I stare at it despite the pointlessness of it

the hint the world gets that things don’t fit quite right inside my head

I’ve been sad since the colour yellow

how does it feel to truly let go?

Green-eyed monsters eat people like you for breakfast.

for a girl who talks so much you say very little.

Should regret change anything?

How long do you need to be alive until you feel it?

emotions are weakness

sucked back into a world of faces like his

the corners blunted with sandpaper

The faeries went shopping,

I swear it.


[Picture credits: Planet Gliese (2013) by Yasuo Nomura)



in my head smacking the cold dusty floor / i dont feel it because my body is someone elses / in standing back and saying “i made that” / physical overhaul / in dancing to the deafening music / a one person party and capacity is reached / in my head spinning from the hallway floor / its all someone elses storyline / in the swings with the music up and up and up / fear is the only proof im not ill / in the softening of faces / look at me again and say it / in my heart rate / breathless / in the honesty of “slow down” / a cup of tea is warmth and friendship / in clean sheets / or the luxury of unwashed bodies / in the rejection of tired yawns / keep me awake / in the stories you told me / and up and again and up / in the squeak of shoes on the floor / something new something new / in the writing i show you / poetry is private.

[Picture credits: agsandrew via Shutterstock]




A swelling stone in my stomach

A gnawing on the organs

Butterflies? No-

Guilt? Perhaps

Swallowed truths,

weighing down your body

A witch in the water;


Well I will sink with my rope

And rise with my bones


[Picture credit to:]